We Three
by Kairen-Cirrus
Summary: Sometimes we love. Sometimes we lose. Sometimes we find the strength to love again. Sometimes that strength allows us to love again the one we've lost. Erwin/Hanji/Levi


"May I sit here?"

A simple, polite question was how they had met. The year was 841, and the Scouting Legion was out on its 27th Expedition outside the walls. It was the second night, casualties had already exceeded 15%, and grim soldiers lay in makeshift tents, praying that they could sleep a dreamless sleep and not be plagued by recurring visions of their friends and comrades dying. On the outskirts of the camp, a few small fires were littered about, solitary soldiers sitting through the night's watch.

Erwin Smith, a young soldier who could just recently count his time in the legion by years, approaches the woman he was to replace for watch of the west flank.

"Your watch doesn't start for another hour." comes her quiet reply.

She considers him briefly through grime-covered goggles as he considers her. Her hair falls in messy auburn waves and tangles around her head, but there is a discernible bump in the fibers, like a crinkle in a paper, as evidence that she normally wore a ponytail. His golden hair falls just barely into his eyes, but she can see the evidence that he normally kept it combed to the sides.

"I couldn't sleep. But I'm happy to take the watch early if you'd like to rest."

And she does look like she needs it. Her eyes are red around the edges, slightly puffy from crying (nothing to be ashamed of in their line of work), and further weighed down by dark half circles beneath them. But she blinks away her exhaustion—she was used to it by now—and looks him up and down silently before turning her eyes back to the horizon of the landscape.

"You can sit down."

She doesn't move from her spot, so he sits across the fire from her, pulling his cloak tighter around him as he settles into the dewy grass. Her eyes are fixed away from him, her mouth drawn into a tight line.

"My name is Erwin Smith." he offers.

"Hanji Zoe." her stiff reply.

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Hanji."

She turns her head slowly, her eyebrows furrowed as her chestnut eyes meet his sky blue ones. He isn't quite sure how to read her expression. Was she cross with him or confused or… disappointed?

"You're from inside Wall Sina, aren't you?"

"Did my accent give it away?"

"No, your manners."

"My manners? Are they not enough?" He had thought he had done his best to be polite thus far.

"More that you have them at all, really."

"Oh… Haha… Well, habits are hard to break, even when away from home."

"How long have you been wearing those wings on your back, Erwin?"

His fingers pull on a stray thread.

"A little over a year now."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Stay alive through this expedition and you'll live a while yet."

He tucks the end of the green string into a slightly worn seam at the edge of his cloak as her words echo in his ears. He had been told once that his chances of survival increased exponentially with every mission from which he came back alive. It was always a sobering thought, and not one he cares to dwell on at the present moment.

"How long—"

"Just over two years." Her voice carried the weight of those years. In two years, how many comrades had she lost? A dozen? Likely more.

"That must make you quite strong."

She grimaces at the last word, as if she doesn't want to be reminded of her own survival. Erwin bites his lip when he sees her expression change, inhaling sharply and pursing his lips. In lieu of a retraction, he opts for silence instead, looking out at the landscape again.

It is a beautiful sight to see the rolling hills beneath a sky full of stars. The land stretched far and wide in every direction around them. Were there no titans, they could have ridden for weeks and not hit a single barrier to block their path. Here, out in the open, even with the danger, they were truly free. This is how people are meant to live, he thinks.

"They say in the era before the titans that humans used to sail boats on vast expanses of water called the sea, and that they would use the stars for navigation."

Despite herself, she finds her eyes drifting upwards, countless little flickering lights dancing to greet her gaze. Once, as a child, she thought she would try to count them all. But when she ran out of fingers and toes, she had succumbed that it was impossible. There were too many. No matter where she went, there would always be too many. But she had liked it that way. It had given her something to strive for.

As a thought experiment, she compares the child she had been to the woman she is now and her face falls. Nightmares had replaced dreams, present concerns had replaced hopes for the future, and rage had replaced most everything else. When was the last time she had thought about more than just her grief and her festering hatred for the titans? When had she last looked up at the night sky to acknowledge that stars twinkled above her? Her eyes briefly glance at Erwin Smith.

When will you stop seeing the beauty of this world around you?

The fire crackles, filling the silence between them.

…Hopefully not for a while yet.

She shifts, moving to stand and allow Erwin to take his turn at the watch. He turns toward her as she walks away from him, his eyes falling on her sunken shoulders and slow gait.

"It was nice to meet you, Miss Hanji."

A crunch of grass, then silence as her steady footsteps cease.

"Erwin, was it?"

"Yes."

"Bunk 15 in the C Barracks."

"Excuse me?"

"That's where I sleep back at headquarters. If you can make it back from this expedition alive, come see me."

At that time, I'll make the effort to remember you past this night.

"…to keep you company?" He is trying to remain delicate, though he has his suspicions about her meaning.

"To have comfort sex after risking our lives for humanity." She, however, isn't. Not at all.

Erwin couldn't remember if he had ever been propositioned so crudely in all his life. He thinks to himself that he held himself to higher standards than that.

I can't possibly.

But then Jakob was snatched up by an abnormal in a low-visibility area. Erwin heard his dying screams as his body was crushed between rows of pearly whites. He had turned away from the cries for help, gripping his reins so tight his palms bled. The Legion had to press on.

And then Ryan was caught in a titan's grip when he maneuvered toward the wrong direction at the wrong time. There was a moment in which Erwin realized that he had never known the sound of human bones being pulverized. His stomach did a double-take as his ears tried to shut themselves off. Unfortunately, such knowledge couldn't ever be unlearned.

Upon return, where was Eric? Molly? Phillip?

And then he finds himself standing in front of the door to Bunk 15, in C Barracks. How long he has stood there staring at the door handle was anyone's guess… whittling away the time by replaying his comrades' death every time he blinked.

I can't possibly… get through this alone.

The door finally opens after some time and dead pools of blue meet tired orbs of bronze. He sees the bird's nest mess of hair on her head, her disheveled, untucked shirt, and thinks unabashedly,

She's alive.

He blinks. She's still there. And that is enough.

Before he can stop himself or realize what he's doing, his hands are on her, his lips crashing into hers over and over, rough and insistent. Her thin fingers tangle in his hair, her glasses bumping against his nose as she reciprocates his desperate need to touch another warm body.

Shadows flicker across the room as he pushes her up against the wall beside the table where a solitary candle burns, his calloused hands running up her shirt. His finger tips can feel the wefts left in her skin by her harness, even a few scars from accidents he didn't want to think about. Her body told a tale of survival, and Erwin is reading it with wonder and amazement behind every touch.

Her breath comes in short, ragged gasps, and he loves hearing it against his ear or feeling it fluttering over his neck. Every moan she gives, he swallows, savoring the reverberations from her voice in his throat.

She pulls and tugs at his belts, his shirt, his pants… Everything needs to go, all at once, and she can't decide precisely on the order. When at last her hands are able to trace along his bare chest through an opening in his shirt, she smiles in appreciation at the strength she can feel beneath her fingertips. The fantastic thing about being in the military was that she had only the finest specimens available for her pleasure. And she took her perks wherever she could find them. She gives a leery grin before biting down on his shoulder, and Erwin gasps, not expecting to find that he could spring to attention from something like that. Had he always had a kink for biting and not known it, or is it just the heat of the current moment? Maybe it's just her.

When she grinds her hips against him, it's all the impetus he needs to grab her around her small waist and fling her onto the bed. Manners and proper decorum be damned; he wanted her, and he wanted her now. In a flurry of fabric and leather, their clothes and harnesses are discarded, falling to the floor with muffled clangs. Her warm fluids coating his fingers tell him that she wants him too. He pushes one finger into her wet, inviting warmth, and she squirms down against him, wiggling her hips so that she can take him in further.

When his tongue brushes against a nipple, she arches her back with a keening cry, clawing at his shoulders and moaning all too loudly. He gently pushes in a second finger, knowing it will do nothing to quiet her cries. And as expected, she rewards his efforts with a stuttering moan, leaving marks on his back and shoulders with her blunt nails. But it is rather unexpected when she suddenly pushes him off of her, shoving his back into the mattress and straddling him beneath her legs.

Their eyes meet briefly, but they don't see each other. She is looking through him, focusing only on his warmth and the momentary pleasure his body can give hers. He had barely opened his mouth to ask if she's ready when she's pushing herself onto him, making him swallow his words as her body swallows his length.

His fingers are leaving bruises on her hips as she rocks up and down, but that only makes her more feverish. She loves the discomfort caused by his tight grip; she welcomes the marks and bruises. Slick, wet sounds fill the air to the accompaniment of Hanji's delighted moans and Erwin's soft gasps. And when it seems as if she can endure no more ecstasy, he pulls her roughly down to him, kissing her hungrily as he lifts their hips and pound into her. She comes with a choked scream, her fingers clenched in the sheets next to his shoulders where she had also left marks. He comes shortly after, withdrawing as best he can from her warmth and splattering his cum between their bodies.

Hanji collapses onto the bed beside him, comfortably exhausted and feeling the warm afterglow of an evening well spent. Exhausted panting with a few light chuckles and giggles are the only things to fill the air between them for several moments. It's hard not to be in a better mood after some fantastic sex. But Erwin grows unsure whether or not it would be proper to reach out and hold her. He wants to. But it is extremely likely that she isn't looking for anything more than just a solitary night's affection.

"I—I'm…"

The shame creeps up on him now that the deed is done and his mind is cleared from the haze of desire that had seized him. He had never considered himself that sort of man. But he is absolutely more than willing to take responsibility.

"I'm sorry I—"

"Shut up." comes her muffled reply. She's lying on her stomach, facedown into her pillow. The soft cushion swallows a pleased sigh before she slowly turns her head toward him.

"I forced myself in a moment of—"

"You didn't force anything. Or did you forget the part where I invited you here? Or when I pushed you down onto this bed and rode you like my horse?"

Erwin isn't the type to blush but he's certain his ears are burning. Yes, that might have been what they had just done, but he didn't really require an explicit verbal recap.

"Then I didn't… inconvenience you?"

She raises her eyebrows as if she actually has to consider the question for a moment.

"Oh… actually, yeah. Right before I let you in, I was about to go and take a shit."

There's a moment of incredulous silence before Erwin lets out a guffawing laugh. Hanji is, of course, being completely serious, but she isn't immune to his laughter. She permits a small grin to spread to the side of her lips before she pulls herself up out of bed and searches for a few things to throw on. It wouldn't do to walk the hallways of the barracks stark naked, even if the bathroom is only ten paces away.

"You're… unlike any woman I've ever been with." He confesses as he watches her dress. He's more than a little disappointed to see her soft curves disappear under the fabric of her uniform.

"I don't know what the standards are for women inside Wall Sina—" she grunts as she pulls up her pants, buckling and zipping them closed. "—but here in the scouting legion, things are going to work a bit differently. You've been with us a year already, haven't you learned that?"

"No I… I had a more restrained routine until now."

"So you were a prude."

"It's my way of showing respect."

Her hands falter ever so slightly as she buttons up her shirt, her brows furrowing.

"No… I don't mean that I don't respect you." Foot in mouth, Erwin. Remove it. These are absolutely the most appropriate things to say after sex. "I just—it's never been this bad for me. I lost five friends on this expedition. And I didn't know how to—I do respect you."

She walks back towards the bed, and Erwin braces himself for a well-deserved slap. He flinches as she places a knowing kiss on his forehead instead.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. We all do what we need to get by… and situations change."

When her weight leaves the mattress again, Erwin feels a coldness creep over him in her absence.

"How do you stay alive? How do you stay sane?"

She stops at the door, turning to look upon him with the same face she had worn outside the wall.

"I drown myself in rage and sorrow and hatred." Comes her solemn reply, and then she is gone.

* * *

The problem with drowning is… well, the drowning bit. Rage and hatred are paralytics, and while they seem to have worked well enough so far for Hanji, Erwin isn't sure that he wants to adapt the same method for his own survival. Certainly not for his own improvement. She's a fine enough soldier but—

"You smell like sex." a voice creeps from behind his left ear.

"Mike, is that really necessary?" Erwin sighs as he turns to look up at his stupidly tall classmate.

"So who was it?" Another sniff, then a half smile. "Another soldier, huh?"

"One of these days, you'll put that nose to better use."

"I already do." Their steps fall in sync as they walk. "When we were out on expedition, I could smell when the titans were coming. Kept my squadron going in the right direction on the left flank. Well, it also helps when your squadron leader listens to your advice."

"You managed to avoid the titans by smelling them?" Erwin's tone is slightly incredulous. Strangely enough, Mike has one of the more useful skills a soldier of the scouting legion can possess. He is undeniably a strange man. Ridiculously tall, with a strange habit of smelling people, an unnerving custom of coming up from behind people unexpectedly… but useless he is not.

"An early warning system would be tactically advantageous for the entire legion…" Erwin begins to mumble to himself.

Mike lets him think for a few moments in silence. Erwin's mind is quick to come up with good strategy and ways to solve problems. He isn't just a good soldier; he's clever with a tactically sound mind. He had proven himself as much during their training years. Given the right people who might listen, Mike is sure that Erwin could be promoted up the chain quite quickly. But even so, there are still more pressing matters to discuss.

"You still haven't answered my question."

"Hm?"

"Who was it?"

"…Hanji Zoe." the reluctant reply. Not reluctant because of who it had been, to be clear.

"I've heard that name." He scratches at his chin before taking another whiff of Erwin's musk to help jog his memory. "The general consensus among soldiers is that she's aloof and stand-offish. How did you even come across her?"

"I took over her watch one night. We… talked."

"And then you ended up in her bed."

"There's no shame in it, Mike."

"I didn't say there was."

"Good."

"…"

"…"

"So are you planning on ending up in her bed again?"

"Mike—"

"You smell like a monogamous man."'

"That's not something you can 'smell' about someone."

"You'd be surprised."

"Well… maybe. If she'll still have me. And if we're both still…"

"—interested?" Mike offers.

"—alive." Erwin murmurs a somber answer.

A sniff.

"What are you smelling now?"

"My cue to leave."

And with a swift turn of his heel, he begins walking immediately in the opposite direction, just as Erwin turns a corner. And from around that corner comes a pair of glasses attached to a woman. The very woman who had been the topic of their conversation.

"Miss Hanji!"

"Just Hanji is fine."

Honestly, he's stiffer than the hardwood boards they're walking on, she thinks.

"H-Hanji then. How are you this afternoon?"

Yep. Any stiffer, and she'd have to fuck him again. Not that she would mind that.

"You're not used to one-night stands, are you?"

A few steps take her straight past him, and she claps him casually on the shoulder as she goes.

"You don't have to force yourself. I don't mind if you never speak to me—"

"I'm not forcing myself."

A strong hand wraps itself around her wrist, and she is stopped abruptly. She makes a mental note that polite and timid are not the same thing, and that Erwin has a rather firm grip for someone who instinctively calls her "Miss."

"You're right, I'm not used to one-night stands." He gives a small smile so charming she wants to declare it illegal. "So if you'll still have me, I—I'd like to see you again."

Hanji's lips purse into a thin line, and her eyebrows furrow.

"Next time we go out beyond the wall, I could die. You could die. All it takes is one mistake or just a little piss of bad luck. You shouldn't get too attached."

Her hesitation is met with a laugh that sounded almost… kind. Stop it, she wants to say.

"You're right. I'll endeavor not to. And I certainly won't hold it against you for doing the same. But for my part, as long as we're both alive… I'm not likely to go to anyone else."

If she's meant to feel flattered by his devotion, she isn't. Mostly, she feels sorry that he got stuck with a choice like her. Virgins did always like to get attached to their firsts. Assuming he was a virgin. Though when she thinks about it, the way he had held her had spoken much to the contrary. But if he wasn't a virgin, then that makes him a romantic, and that is considerably worse. She pulls her arm free and turns her back to him.

"…do what you like."


End file.
